After managing to escape from our cells last week in a very stylish fashion that may or may not have included ramming a wall down, head first, and fighting of 2 motherfucking ugly guards, unarmed might I add, we found ourselves trapped in this dark corridor. Just the three of us.

Left with three doors to open, we made a very thought-out and rational decision and opened one at random. Our carefull reasoning and astounding insights in the dungeon didn’t fail us. They led us right back to our equipment that was taken from us. I got lucky! I got all my shit back in one go, bar my backpack. Good enough to fight a proper fight! Maisee and El-Bardo were less lucky though: they only got like half their stuff back. Then again, who cares? We all know who’s carrying this group of misfits anyway…
There was some other stuff in the room too. A hammer of sorts that seemed to be missing a part of its hilt. When El-Bardo picked it up, his faced turned a bit pale – no constitution that guy – and he said it was not just your run-of-the-mill hammer, as he couldn’t release his grip from it. I didn’t quite believe him at first, but wasn’t going to tempt fate and try prying it from his hands either. So I did what every tough-looking, might I even say handsome, halfling like me would have done, trying to hide his fear…. I mocked him.
On we went.

In search of a way out, we opened another random door and so we stumbled upon some more grunts with their pet rats. Who keeps rats for pets anyway?! What kind of sick, twisted mind does that?
After quickly dispatching the pests and all but one of the guards, which we knocked unconcious, we opened the one other door in the room. Bad call. There was a motherfucking green blob of slime hiding behind it. We managed to skillfully dispatch it without much trouble. Everyone was amazed about how good a job we did. Not me. I know what I’m worth. I just think they were amazed at how flexible and lean this beautiful body of mine is, but were trying to hide their obvious awe.

So, we woke up this xvart we started asking some question to the guy….dude…..thing. Turns out they are called “xvart”. A race probably best described as some sick, twisted form of goblins, yes, even more twisted than they already are, that worship this “rat-n-bat” god called Raxaforth. I guess that explains the rat-thing, but damn…. can you imagine? Worshipping a god of rats? RATS! not imposing creatures like lions or tigers, or powerhouses like bears or majestic dragons. no no… none of that…. RATS AND BATS…. well, to each is own I guess…

Anyway, before the little shit got a chance to speak, we heard a big THUMP back in the hallway. We ofcourse immediatly took battle positions in the sense of danger, as it is our second nature to do so. But the xvart guy said it was just “another delivery”. We didn’t hear any other noises after that, so we carefully ventured back into the hallway to check it out. Turns out our dear friend Simple Matt had returned from escorting eadric back to town and came to join us. Unfortunately, he too got dropped down the hatch and was lying there, unconcious. Maisee’s urge to kick him awake in a not so nice way was great. Understandably so. In hindsight, I problaly should’ve just let her. But the better halfling I am thought it was maybe not right to treat our retarded friend as such, so I went over first and just slapped him. Twice. He regained conciousness, and I slapped him again. I’d like to think it was to please Maisee’s lust for hurting her teammates, but in truth, I just wanted to slap him some more. It felt good. Guilty pleasure. Sorry not sorry.
So, after quickly catching up matt, who apparently was lured in by this little rat Berty, just like we were, we went back to the xvart. Berty has got it coming. Mark me!

On the way, Matt droolingly picked up a stone. I made nothing of it. I thought he’d probably thought he found another moonstone for his collection or something. By Gol’s beard, that guy has to have enough of these “moonstones” at home to build him a fucking mansion.
Well, looks like i was wrong this time around… because as soon as we entered the room with the xvart again, where El-Bardo was still holding on to him, Matt immediatly took this mysterious hammer from his hands and made it whole again. This is when things became a bit awkward….

By questioning the xvart, we learned that there was some kind of altar in this dungeon, and a labrora…, laborata…, larbo…, …lab. He also said there were something like 50 of them here, but not only male, also female and children. They camped in the tents behind the alter with the caved in roof or something. Ah well. We’ll see. He also told us about their leader, Naxiram, and how they actually hated him. He seemed to think that Naxiram didn’t serve in the best interest of the tribe, and just bowed to the Green Master’s will. The Green Master was the builder of this place. Odd, to think this place is at least 300 years old… Must be either some near-dead halfling or some guy involved in keeping him young of age by means of vicious magics. Not sure if I’m looking forward to meeting this guy.
During the entire time Maisee and I were asking the questions, our other teammates were showing their true nature I guess and doing fuck all. El-Bardo didn’t say a word. Nothing. We’d soon learn he would keep quiet for the next few hours. God knows why. He did some real nice grapples in the fights to come though! But not a word from his mouth.
Matt lived up to his name and advanced in the way of the simple. I think he lost his mind. He started asking questions that didn’t make no sense at all and would say random stuff at random times. Fun times, while trying to maintain your tough looking image – not that such a thing comes as a challenge to me – while interrogating.
Anyway, when we thought we were done with it, we knocked him unconscious, locked him up in one of the still functioning cells and put the pile of his dead buddy’s corpses with him in the small cell. That’ll give him a good scare and something to think about when he wakes up. This evil plan was all Maisee’s doing. I’m telling you, she’s a twisted bird man. I’m going to have to find a good balance between letting her know I’m not to be trifled with, without provoking her ire at the same time. She does these things when she’s calm and calculated. I don’t want to be around when she gets her way when she’s angry!

So on we went, and behind the small corridor with the ooze, we found the altar. We quickly dispatched of the sole xvart there and looked around. Rather big room. bloody altar in the middle. Pile of skulls n bones in the corner. Just another sacrificial chamber. Right? That’s what it looked to us anyway. Before we went on, I snatched the book with weird signs in it from the altar and a wooden toy from the lady’s corpse.
In the meantime, Matt asked us if we “heard it too”, the voices he said…. Neither of us did. So…turns out Matt didn’t degraded in his head, he just picked up a sentient hammer. Of all the people, it had to be him. It had to be the simple guy… The gods must’ve been playing tricks on us…. Sick tricks. It was the hammer, called Darkbreaker, that was talking to him earlier too, asking him questions, and Matt answering and asking questions in return.
From what I could make of it, it was a bit of a fanatic, that hammer. For, based on Matts, responses and questions, he seemed to be very willing to kill every xvart in sight! No questions, no reasoning, just blood. Matt tried to defend his new friend by saying it’s the paladin’s way to eradicate all evil. Well, if that is the paladin’s way, I’m glad I’m a rogue!

From the altar’s room, we saw the tents in the cave the other xvart told us about. We counted around about 20 xvart alltogether. When Maissee and I were discussing how we would approach them, one of us, probably Matt, in search of more precious moonstones or something most likely, wandered too close and we got spotted. They all fled while we were still discussing how to react, untill only a woman and her child were left. We were still talking amongst ourselves at that point… Not that they were last to flee. No. They just held their ground. This meant they wanted to talk, right? That they must have something important to say to us, right? That it was probably a good idea to talk to them first, before maybe fighting them, right? Well, me and Maisee seemed to get this – twisted as she is, she does seem to be a sharp bird – Matt however….

While we started talking to the lady, Matt started harassing her kid. Bullying him. The lady didn’t like it, and eventually asked us to just leave. The bird and I noticed she meant it, so we quickly looted the chest in the corner and headed back to the altar, while Matt, still obsessed with this kid, raised his hammer above his head. Saying he’s trying to be nice…really mate? Being nice by readying your maul above a kids head?!
The lady, understandably so, seeing a threat in it, and fearing for her kids life, drew her weapons.

What transpired next, isn’t one of my proudest moments.

We had to fight them. We didn’t really want to, but we had to. We first tried to constrain the lady and her child, to talk some sense in to them, but failed to. Not to constrain them mind you – El-Bardo did some sick grapples and Maisee had the kid dangling by his feet 2 feet above the ground. She seemed to be enjoying herself doing so as well. Like i said, sick bird – but to get them to put down their weapons. They refused. So we had to kill them. After killing the mother, I turned on the kid and… drove my rapier through his hearth. My group seemed taken aback by it.

Really?

Matt kept going on about how his newfound friend said this kid wasn’t a kid and we should kill it. Come on man. This kid not a kid? That’s like saying this apple isn’t and apple or I am no a halfling – I’m not sure if him having a new friend is a good thing… Guess we’ll find out soon enough. – He starts harrassing the child, he provokes the fight, he kept repeating we should kill it. And when I finally do it, I am the bad guy?! That’s just not fair! Regardless, what should we have done a that point then? His mother was dead. He was an orphan in a sacrifcing tribe of xvart. Something tells me he didn’t have a long and happy life ahead of him! No no, at that point, it was a mercy killing. The others simply don’t understand.

So, after this debacle, on we went. Long story short, we found some more rats in a room stashed with gear. Got some new shiny daggers from one of the corpses. glass ones. I think. They seem to be able to inflict some serious internal damage, but at the same time very brittle too. Found some new pair of boots on another corpse too. Very fancy. Nobody will ever hear me coming again. Almost got to take some special arrrows too, but the bird was too quick. There was also a musical instrument of some sorts. Bagpipes i think. Bardo, while silent the entire time, swooped in and took them.
Maisee was the first to go through the rabble, and I saw her take a small fortune worth of gems. Can’t wait to trade those. I took the gold and silver found as i seem to be becoming the bank of the group. Fine by me. I like the coin. Just got to be carefull not to spend their part. No guarantees there though, but they don’t have to know that do they!

We finally decided to take a rest. When preparing the room so we wouldn’t get harassed in our sleep, we found a small tunnel leading out of it. At the end was a room with a sleeping xvart. Eager to try out my new slippers, I snuck up to him and killed him in his sleep. He never knew we were there.

With the room secured, we took our rest.

Fucking talking bloodlusty hammers man.